Did you know that it’s actually possible to pack up your life in less than 3 hours? I had no idea until I did. It was messy. Shit was everywhere, physically in my space and scattered in my thoughts. My clothes and things were randomly being thrown into suitcases and boxes since I didn’t have much time, and he would be home soon. At least that’s what I told myself, but the real, deeper layer of reason was simple: I had to get out before I changed my mind.
Read MoreHave you ever heard about the wolf dressed in sheep’s clothing? I’ve always joked that figure skaters were really just wolves who happened to sparkle, so generally speaking outsiders perceived them as sheep. It’s easy to underestimate an athlete whose uniform is a sparkly, elastic, and sometimes more elaborate and striking than designer dresses you see on the runway.
Read MoreI’ve been asked, more times than I can count, why I stopped skating. It’s a fair question. You can’t just go from both skating, coaching and basically living on the ice, to saying “Just kidding, I’m moving to Hawaii!” without someone questioning, “What the hell is going on here?”. Every time the question comes up, I never know how to answer it without feeling some shame or grappling fear. So, I just say the easy thing: “Personal issues,” or “It was time,” or jokingly, “I was tired of being cold.” Avoiding the truth, the vulnerability, is easy. I can easily talk about my experience to someone close to me and completely lay it out there on the table without hesitating.
Read MoreThat fire that coach Steve had lit for me, by me, gave my life direction—probably for the first time since I was a child. Do you know how good direction can feel after wandering aimlessly like a little sheep with little to no thoughts and goals of her own? Purpose is what keeps us going. And when we find that? It’s everything.
Read MoreI was 10 years old when I made the executive, personal decision that I was fat. I had been walking to the playground of my elementary school with my bright blonde messy ponytail swinging back and forth with the same rhythm as my backpack hanging down to the tops of my knees. My backpack was always twice my size—and I was always tiny. On that day, though, I looked down at my thighs and had decided that I didn’t like what I saw.
Read MoreI was supposed to launch the day I left for Oahu. But I didn’t. I was supposed to launch the following Tuesday, but by the time that day came around, our lives began to take massive shifts. Deep breath. Inhale. Exhale. I want to come out and talk about my eating disorder. I want to start from the very beginning. I want to bring awareness. I want to continue the dialogue of eating disorders amongst women, athletes and ultimately figure skaters. But now? It’s a heavy time right now.
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